crumbling paper towers.

not griping about anything from NS, because the journey thus far has been tiring yet rewarding (and shit hasn’t gotten real yet), but one thing i’ve experienced first-hand is the joy of little things we fail to appreciate in daily life; the freedom to go to the toilet when we want to (most of the time), to take a break when you feel like it, amongst many more. 

More importantly, i think i’ve learnt to appreciate the people in my life. To take time off to talk to someone you haven’t met in a while, especially family and friends whom you have unknowingly distanced yourself away from, despite previously having the time to reconcile your relationships with them.

Free time is precious here, and strangely, I feel like a happier person now after going in, because I’ve learnt to love simple things in my life.

“people change, and eventually, we all become doppelgangers of ourselves. a shadow of what we used to be.”

Nobody can expect the way things turn out, what it’s gonna be like in the horizon.

looking back, sometimes i wish i made better decisions

the bits and pieces i remember from secondary 1 and 2, all echo similar memories. it was a time of relative innocence and simple joy, and everyday happiness was just little homework, time to DOTA, and a day out with friends.

I remember 1C and 2C was pretty dynamic, and everyone was so different, but we clicked pretty well (MOST OF US ANYWAY). i remember sticking close to my PRIMARY SCHOOL CLIQUE consisting of andrew marcus and yangyi, and it was a comfortable bubble at first. Seeing someone you knew, especially someone you were close with was a great ease, but I’m glad i managed to fit in with everyone else soon enough, and met some people that would stick with me for a looonnngg time to come.

I remember this white boy that really looked like a Caucasian boy that led a bourgeoisie lifestyle in his mansion, just chilling by the window, beside this cute looking boyboy.

In these two years, I didn’t take on any heavy responsibilities or duties, but when I look back, these two years seem to symbolize a precious transition from being a child to being a teenager. the hedonism of “living it moment by moment”, enjoying day by day, were by far the most carefree lifestyle i ever had. It explains the black hair and how every single day, i would wake up with hope and joy and expectations for the day to come.

i explored and i had fun :)

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Something I learnt these past few weeks :)

I WANT TO WRITE, because not writing = brain rot = bad sign = gonna get worse when i get into army because everyone’s telling me once you don on the helmet, your brain just stops thinking.

SO before I actually go inside, I want to pen down some memories I have of the six years that have passed, and HOPEFULLY, not cringe six years later when I reminisce and read what I write (like how I did afew weeks ago argh) 

Let’s start from the very beginning, when I was a wee young lad who just finished his PSLE examinations.

At that age, life was pretty simple. I worked hard for my PSLE, and I hoped that my hard work paid off, and I could get into a good secondary school, like many other primary school kids my age. My parents often drilled the importance of secondary school life into me, how it would eventually shape the person I would become, the learning environment’s impact on me, so on and so forth. I remember how NUS High rejected me after the math/science test ): and I felt quite disheartened and discouraged after that.

But thank God, I did decent for PSLE, although I scared the hell out of my parents because I fell ill on the first ENGLISH PAPER DAY, where I woke up nauseous and just vomited like an open tap all over the sink in the morning :( so it was a sigh of relief and happiness when everything went better than expected.

SOO, without a doubt, I chose Hwa Chong. It was always a school I aspired to go to, from the Open Houses I went, and I guess a big part of it was my dad, who would always persuade me to go there .__. but I felt that Hwa Chong had a sort of nostalgic charm around it. My uncle was from Hwa Chong, back when it was still a cool hipster chinese school LOL, and he constantly talked about how he sang the school song everyday (I realized he wasn’t joking, fact confirmed by my mom) and still hung out with his alumni buds from high school. 

I guess at such a young age, the concept of nostalgia and the real meaning of having a brotherhood and sense of camaraderie was relatively new and intriguing, and I was awestruck at the strength of the Hwa Chong alumni, how every “zi di” felt a sense of belonging to this place, so I decided to HOP ON THE BANDWAGGONNN.

ANDDDD here comes the plot twist: YOU READY?

I GOT INTO HWACHONG!!! O: O: O:

LOL so came the first day of school, I had my NEW UNIFORM WITH MY BRASS BUTTONS ALL READY, and I ventured into the land of the unknown.

I’ll write more soon have to mug for SATs hoho ):

so one month has passed, just whizzed by like that O:

if there’s one thing i’ve learnt for the past two months, it’s the ease of wallowing, just living everyday in a void, with no expectations at all of the future, of what you’re even supposed to be doing. Be it in sorrow or self pity, wallowing is… running away.

Sometimes it’s tempting, because in truth, it’s easy, and 78% less painful. You think less, you do less self-reflection. You just dwell on whatever got you in that pit, and doom yourself to future failure. With low expectations, life just seems alot more simpler doesn’t it? Everyday is just “living in the moment”, the purest form of hedonism, no responsibility, no pressure.

But you can never escape yourself.

It still stings, but slowly it recovers. Such a lifestyle is too revolting to go by. :/

for the past few weeks i’ve been a pretty unmotivated kid. After A Levels i guess i needed this sort of release, but the thrill of this YOLO lifestyle only lasts to a certain extent, and from there it becomes quite painful and meaningless.

HENCE, I’m going to start writing (and hopefully get better at it) about some stuff that has passed my mind for a couple of times, that I would really like to pin down, but never got the chance to because of A Levels, the stress and whatnot.

I want to begin firstly by writing down some heartfelt experiences about my six years in Hwachong, which was a life changing journey for me, and standing at the crossroads now, I start to understand what it means when people say “the universe has a plan.”

I’ll just start thinking for now, and when I do compose my thoughts I’ll FINALLY REVIVE this dead tumblr :D 

for now, DOTA2 YAEYYAYAYAY

“Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz is not something that develops over time. It is something that happens instantaneously, filling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body, in your hands, in your heart, in your stomach, in your skin, of course you feel it in your Schlauchmachendejungen.”—Klaus, How I Met Your Mother, Season 8